What if I Think My Spouse is Cheating?

Updated on April 21, 2021
Updated: May 23, 2022

One of the leading causes of divorce is adultery or infidelity in a marriage. When infidelity occurs, it causes pain to the faithful partner, and as a result, it leads to marriages breaking apart. As it is a traumatic occurrence in a marriage and is one of the main challenges faced by married couples, you don’t want to be unaware.

Most couples notice changes in their cheating spouses, and for women, they tend to have a gut feeling that their spouse is cheating. There are different signs that you can look out for in a cheating spouse. Even so, the signals may vary and can differ depending on age and particular individuals.

How to Tell If Your Spouse Has Had an Affair

It is important to note that each sign can vary depending on each and every individual person. Here are some of the possible signs of infidelity that you can look out for in a cheating partner.

They Do Not Communicate Like They Used to

How did you use to communicate with your spouse before they suddenly changed? Did you use to talk about your day and how things were during the day? Did you use to talk about your feelings and often express your love for one another? If that is no longer happening, there must be a reason why.

Your spouse can refuse to communicate and even cooperate with you causing a breakdown in communication. When the other party behaves as if your concerns are of no value, you may end up feeling hurt, shut out, and powerless in your current relationship.

Here is how they can do it:

  • They can ignore what it is you are saying
  • To avoid uncomfortable topics, they will change the topic
  • They will give so many excuses and reasons why they cannot talk when you want to talk
  • They refuse to answer questions
  • They storm off without saying anything

A Change in How They Dress and Interest in New Hobbies

Everybody wants a partner with whom they can go grow together. It is an important aspect of marriage. When your partner changes their appearance and shows interest in new activities, it is a good thing. However, when they change their appearance and develop new interests and incorporate that with a few other negative behaviors, it can be a warning sign of cheating.

What if I Think My Spouse is Cheating?

What should raise a red flag?

  • If all of a sudden your partner is concerned about their appearance and are dressing better than before
  • They develop a new hobby that needs to commit several hours in a day, and when you ask about it, they never give you a definite answer or an answer at all
  • They are working longer hours at the office and the hours keep increasing

They Become Indifferent Toward You

The things that once excited your spouse no longer do. They become bored about life, the meaningful relationship you had, the kids, hobbies they used to have, and even their jobs.

They used to help out around the house but have become lazier, and they no longer help out.

They no longer like events that involve family attendance like weddings, birthdays, and so on.

They are no longer show jealousy towards their partner despite their actions or what they say.

There Is a Change in Your Sex Life

When infidelity has occurred, a partner can notice changes in their sex life. In the form of the partner introducing new styles, the couple’s sex life is almost non-existent; there is a lack of intimacy or contracting STIs. You can notice some of these signs or all of them.

Abnormal Financial Issues

A couple can go through a situation where they can face some financial problems in the marriage. Still, you will notice some abnormalities in your finances if your partner is being unfaithful. You may realize that you are no longer planning for your future like you used to. You may notice credit card statements that seem off, and most of your arguments can come about as a result of how money is bone spent.

Some of the changes in your spouse may not be due to infidelity but differences in their life. They may arouse suspicion, but it’s better to confirm if something is true before taking any course of action.

Signs That Your Partner Is Lying About Cheating

Here are some of the things you will notice in your partner who is cheating and lying about it. They may either deflect or project toward you to be able to keep up with the lie. They are as well further indicators that your spouse is unfaithful.

A Change in Their Attitude

Here are some changes that you will notice in them. It is good to note that some of these changes can occur due to stress or changes in the work environment or their lives. They may not be necessary due to cheating, but if coupled with other behaviors can be seen as a result of infidelity.

  • Your partner was negative, but they have become more pessimistic about you
  • They often criticize you more than they used to
  • When questions about adultery or infidelity come up, they become very defensive
  • Your partner is confused about themselves
  • The response they give after asking them to reassure you that they are not cheating is not satisfactory

They Lie and Become Evasive

When your partner is often lying to you and becomes evasive, which was not their usual behavior, it may be a sign of infidelity and them trying to hide it. Here are some of the most notable signs;

  • It is evident that you are being avoided. It goes beyond feeling that your partner is avoiding you
  • You used to do things together, but they no longer want to do any activities with you
  • Finding out that your partner has been dishonest about multiple things
  • When you are around their friends, you notice that their friends seem anxious to be around you
  • They are keeping a lot of secrets
  • If they were religious, they are no longer interested in pursuing their beliefs, or they show little to no interests

Are You Legally Allowed to Tap Your Spouse’s Phone?

You can be able to spy on your partner using most of the spy apps available today. However, you do have to understand that it is illegal. Any evidence of cheating that you obtain via the spy app, since it is illegal, cannot be presented in court. In the worst-case scenario, you would end up facing criminal charges if your partner suspects that their invasion of privacy and can prove it. You should understand the legal implications of what you are doing before deciding to spy on your partner.

What Do You Do After You Find Out That an Infidelity Has Occurred?

When a spouse finds out that their partner has cheated or has been cheating on them, what do they do from there?

Identify Where You are at with Your Emotions

What are you feeling? It is normal to feel betrayed and hurt. Also, anger and indifference are normal feelings as well. Identify what you feel and know what to do about it.

A couple arguing over message on a phone.

Talk to Your Partner

No matter how uncomfortable a discussion may seem to be, you will need to have the conversation with your partner. Tell them how their behavior has affected you and how it has made you feel. The best thing you can do in this situation is to not lose your cool.

Decide on The Next Course of Action

Now that the cat’s out of the bag, what is your next move?

Some couples may opt to go to marriage counseling and seek the help of a family therapist to help save their marriage. It is the best option if the couple wants to remain in a committed relationship and if the relationship expert can help them save their marriage.

However, for some couples, all hope is lost, and they feel that there is nothing left to salvage. They may decide to go for a divorce. If this is the choice you have decided to take, we have resources at the Tommalieh Law Firm. Hire an experienced Illinois family lawyer to help you with the divorce. We know it is an easy process, and we want to help you get through it.

The Don’ts After You Confirm That Your Spouse Is Cheating

After finding out that your partner has had a one-time affair or is currently engaging in an extramarital affair, your emotions may be all over, and you will want to act on them. Think about the consequences of your actions. Even if it is hard, you do not want to act based on your feelings. You may want to collect solid evidence before bringing up the conversation as well. You can hire the services of a private investigator to help gather concrete evidence for you. Even as you hire a private investigator, you may want to consult a lawyer to help you understand the types of evidence you can present in family court.

Make Decisions Based on Facts

You don’t want to act based on emotions and gut feeling but on facts and physical evidence. The decisions you make after finding out your spouse is cheating will affect the relationship between both you and your children. 

Proving infidelity in a family court is not easy. You will need skilled divorce lawyers in Orland Park, IL, to help you represent your case in court. You need a lawyer who is knowledgeable on federal laws. Hire us and let us help!

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